Morbidity
Mrs. Perils received an IM last week that purported to be from an online book group acquaintance of ours, but upon closer inspection it turned out to be from the woman’s daughter, saying that her mother had passed away suddenly. We really haven’t been exposed as yet to that many contemporaries dying, so it’s a shock, still, when it happens, even to someone you’ve never met in person.
Which leads to another facet of this relatively new phenomenon of online socialization. I’ve read people debating about the relative “reality” of “f2f” (face-to-face) friends and those we’ve met online. To me, at least, these online friendships are just as real as those corporeal ones. So, it would seem to require a new protocol in how we prepare for our demises. We may have elaborate conventional wills and other instructions to our real-life executors for the throwing of parties, the scattering of ashes, the presence or absence of in-laws at the memorial, and perhaps even how to adjudicate among the 5 people to whom you’ve promised that priceless Ming vase.
But what provisions do we make for disseminating the presumably unwelcome news of our demise to our online communities? Does it just come down to a sudden silence that stretches on and on, without even a disembodied foot washing up on some cyber-Vancouver Island? Or do we include instructions in our wills for the orderly scrolling through our IM Friends, Outlook Contacts, blog readers, World of Warcraft nemeses? How about that Second Life that your spouse didn’t know you were leading?
In the absence of such a protocol, I was impressed that our friend’s daughter took the trouble to free-lance as she did. I’ll have to consider what provisions to make myself. But in view of my periodic extended silences, you’ll probably just think I moved to Milwaukee.
I have thought about this. A few weeks ago one of the commenters on a blog I read stopped showing up. The blogger reported that he had died of a heart attack. The commenter had his own blog, and his wife posted a final post there explaining the rather sudden demise of a very witty and sincere guy. I figure if I go first, Roger can post the news, and if he goes first I’ll be left the task. In the horrible event that we both check out together, everyone will just assume that the Bums have extended their hiatus indefinitely.
Mrs Perils has the keys to this kingdom, right?
Robin, I’m not sure she does. I know she knows one of the two passwords I use everywhere in teh world, and, once you know it, you own me. I’m not sure I’ve had occasion to convey the other one. THe one that gets you into the bank accounts. And my blog.
Hmm..this prompted me to remember that I’ve got a well-weathered post-it note here “addressed” to our son and stuck to the side of my computer.
“In the event of anything dire occurring while we are gone…”
Let’s see…I think we were en-route to Hawaii about ten years ago when I wrote that. Might be time to cruise through the address book and see how those categories have changed. You’d be on the list though, Phil…under “Blog Friends”
Carroll - was there an internet 10 years ago? You must be thinking of all the lurkers on your Pacific Bell party line ;0
You seem to have touched on a widely shared e-anxiety here, Phil. I too have pondered sudden and terminal absence from this strange territory within which we all meet up. Emma is cheerfully indifferent to the blogosphere and although she’s computer literate - significantly more so than I am, in fact - she wouldn’t, as a matter of course, announce my demise from the Patteran Pages. She’d have no great difficulty in sorting out access and uploading, but I’m kind of assuming that her mind might be on more immediate priorities!
Maybe we should each appoint a sort of blogospheric executor in possession of all necessary codes and passwords. S/he would be notified by the next of kin and it would be his/her dismal job to spread the news. Who to choose? How to choose?
The sun’s shining; it’s the weekend. I’m going to quit before I burst into tears! But not before reflecting briefly on the larger phenomenon of the e-friendship. It’s been the subject of many posts on many blogs, but I’ve never seen it considered systematically and in depth. It would be fascinating to open up a blog to submissions from a wide range of fellow bloggers and blog visitors - principally, I guess, those who comprise a particular circle of friends - each focussing on what they see as the principal characteristics of e-friendship. (Maybe more practically one blog should be the repository of links to all blogs entering the discussion.)
Sorry, Phil. I’ve hijacked your comments facility for a mini-post!
On the contrary, Dick, I welcome comments. There’s lots of unused real estate in my comment facility.
I like the idea of an executor - someone with the online savvy, combined with a necessary detachment.
I think reflections on e-friendship would be a much more worthy meme than a lot of the “what was the predominant flavor when you last puked” memes that circulate now & then. I think it forces us to focus on what, exactly, constitutes “friendship”.
I could easily do a link page. But then that would be like consigning rare book copies to a library in Carbuncle, Nebraska. OTOH, I could allow posting on the page by those (Carroll) who read but don’t blog.
Hoo — two of my very best Blog Buddies, engaged in a topic of serious interest to me — the meaning of friendship!
So, back to the issue of unanticipated demise for a minute. Would it be safe to say that, post-mortem, your respective spouses and/or heirs might at least be monitoring your e-mail? I know that if for some unannounced reason either of your blogs went silent for what seemed like more than a “while”, I’d be all over your in-box with an RUOK? kind of message. Heck, even from my weird perspective as “regular commenter sans blog o’ my own”, I’ve felt compelled to mention impending absences from time to time.
Which, since Phil has been kind enough to cede his space here for the moment, I guess makes this as good a time as any to announce that you won’t be hearing much from me during the first part of September.
Oh, go ahead…ask me why.
All right then, I’ll just tell you…we’re going to be in Norway! And Italy!!!
(Wooooo!)
Dear friends (which brings us full-circle to the whole meaning of friendship thing, on which, yes indeed, I do have some strong opinions) Italian by birth, had the audacity to move back to their homeland to raise their family when our respective children were all quite young. Their son is being married on September 20, to a young woman who has been best friends with his sister since their return to the village where they live outside of Milan. It’s a wonderful love story (would that our own older son had a similar tale to tell!) and we are most honored to be included as “family”
So, of course, since we *have* to be in Italy for a week, why not toss Norway into the mix as well, right?
I’ll finish the Norway portion of the story on Dick’s blog pretty soon — guaranteed cross-pollination of readers, yes!
(I know my job, and I do it well
As for the “findability” of my internet persona should I unexpectedly cease to exist…I’ve got most of my “regulars” filed away in my e-mail address book as “Blog Friends”, and that previously-referenced post-it note has instructions to let those folks know my whereabouts (or at least the general vicinity — extra-terrestrial) All my other on-line doings? Easily located in a binder full of log-in and password information on the shelf behind my desk..obscurely labeled “Log-in and Password Information”.
I lead a pretty transparent life, and I figure if anyone who breaks into our house is motivated enough to want to track my holiday orders at LLBean, heck, let ‘em have at it!
I’m doomed if Jim goes first though. His passwords? Strewn on un-labeled little slips of paper randomly located throughout his desk. Aieee!
So, long enough comment for ya, Phil?
Thanks for the thought-provoktion (that’ll give spell check a run for its money!) you two.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend
Hey, Carroll, I just now saw this comment. I usually get an email when someone comments on Perils, but I didn’t on this one.
This whole discussion has spurred me to tighten up the whole process of what should happen should I die, unfairly, before the rest of you.
For instance, I have financial software for both personal and business purposes that Mrs. Perils has limited knowledge of. Not necessarily by design from me - I’ve just been taking care of this stuff for decades, and finances are a miniscule part of our life conversation vs. books and plays and all the other important things in life.
I have acquaintances who could open my backed-up software, even if the original was incinerated with me in a plane crash, and make some sense of my financial position. The biggest deal would be to get bills out to clients that I’ve charged time to but haven’t billed.
For the rest of you, I think I should pre-post personal messages that convey how much I’ve valued my contact with you. My daily thoughts are freighted with what you’ve said and how you regard me. I’m talkin’ to YOU, internet buddies.
I intend for there to be a party either celebrating or regretting my demise. The intersection of that Venn diagram might be more robust than you first thought. Please set aside airfare to attend in person.
I was shocked by the news as well. Even, after taking a VERY long hiatus from the group, still remember her well and was sad to hear she had passed.
I have no idea who would disseminate information should something happen to me, but I have thought about it from time to time. I figure someone would post a comment of my blog and discussion groups that I frequent, but I honestly don’t think it would occur to my family to phone folks.
Definitely something to consider.